Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain…

Maybe I’m PMSing. Maybe I’m just hitting that stage in my life where something about John Denver’s loving, easy listenin’ ways appeals to me. All I know is that “Annie’s Song” is pretty much the fuel for my soul right now. I listened to it on repeat the whole way to work, various renditions, various covers.

After deciding I needed some jam out time at work, I went to YouTube and pretty quickly found this:

The amount of joy this brings—from the laundry, to the turtleneck, to the way he writes “steel” instead of “still” in the description (which is probably how he’d pronounce it ) just fills up my senses.

Calgon, Take Me Away.

At this point, I thought that I choked her. That she was gone enough, what’s left of her in my memory could just be gone, too. It had been so long since something affected me–I’ve even grown immune to the smell of her perfume.

But it was a cleaning spray that did it this time–one of Mrs. Meyer’s summer scents, Blue Bell. I’ve used it before and had a slight disdain for it, thinking I just didn’t like the fragrance. It wasn’t until tonight it finally hit me.

That was the scent of her bath oil–I can’t remember now if it was Avon brand or Skin so Soft. I only remember it was in a plastic bottle the color of the bathroom tile and she kept it under the sink. Continue reading

Snow Daze.

Pardon me as I join in on the collective sigh of East Coasters as we watch our world once again disappear under a blanket of white. Yes, folks, it’s snowing. Again.

I guess I shouldn’t really complain–I was scheduled to work from home today anyway, so I thankfully wasn’t among the many who had to scramble to get home when the storm started late this morning. And it was definitely nice to watch the flakes pile up outside while I worked, but another major storm meant more appointments and plans had to be rearranged, more things I wanted to do outside the house needed to be halted, or shuffled around. And that has left me feeling agitated, wishing a little harder for spring.

But there’s a bright side to everything, right? Today, when I went outside to give the steps a quick once-over, and to shake out the bunny’s towels, I noticed that perfectly intact snowflakes were collecting on my jacket and scarf. I’ve only seen this once before–a few months ago when I was in Iceland. We visited a geyser and scattered along the ground were tiny little perfect snowflakes. I marveled at them for a long time, never seeing anything like that, and certain I probably wouldn’t ever again. Fast forward 2 months later, in my own backyard in New Jersey. I wish the camera on the phone could have picked up the details of each a little more clearly, because they were so beautifully intricate, but this still makes for a lovely snapshot.

And despite feeling “off” because I’m not able to do the things I was hoping to do today, I’m trying to focus on some other things that inspire forward motion–actually writing a blog post, for instance, and trying to make some arrangements for my upcoming trip. I’m also going to try to look into a residency program I’ve been kind of drooling over for the past few months.

So, alright, snow–you’ve made me shift my focus, but I’m still looking straight ahead.

So, friend–what did you do on your snow day?


Moment of Zen: Northern Soul Radio

How did I not know about this–a 24-hour soul/R&B station playing the lesser-known hits of the era–until now?

Although I could be sad my life has been lacking this the past few months since it started, I instead choose to focus on how much happier I am for finally discovering it now.

Hopefully some of you out there will be equally as excited to learn about this station’s existence. Enjoy!

For now I am winter.

January is a tough month, one that seems to lose its purpose after its first day. Growing up in an Italian-American household, we at least were able to hold onto Christmas until January 6th–the feast of the Epiphany (i.e., when the Wise Men actually made it to the manger–tell me, though: if they were so “wise,” why didn’t they get there on time?). But this year, it seems a lot of people were ready to be done with Christmas before then. I saw a lot of trees–including our own–dragged to the curb way before that, many people proudly declaring on 26th that they were over the holiday and officially eradicated it from their homes.

The days after New Years are always the worst–weeks of celebration and anticipation finally completely exhausted, reality inevitably forced back on us. I feel like I’ve lived a thousand months in the past 2 weeks, and every day I’m more surprised that it’s still only the beginning/middle of the month.

I’m looking forward to February–even more excited for March. I just kind of feel like the next few weeks are going to seem like a lull before life officially picks back up again. Not that it’s been slow at all–I swear I actually did more socializing the past few weeks than I did during the holidays–but I just kind of feel like right now is about laying the groundwork before really busting open 2014 right. A part of me is excited about that; a part of me is a little too impatient to wait around for all the great things that I’m hoping happen this year.

I guess I’m painfully optimistic that this year will be a good year–Like, a really good year. I’m ready to bust outta my shell even more. I’m ready to take even more risks. I’m ready to start settling down and focusing on The Plan. But for now, I’m gearing up for these revelations–for now I’m prepping myself for the good things to come. I am cultivating myself, I’m waiting patiently until the time is right to bloom.

For now, I am winter.

It’s gonna be a good year…

I know that it’s true It’s gonna be a good year
Out of the darkness
And into the fire I tell you I love you
And my heart’s in the strangest place
That’s how it started
And that’s how it ends.

I know that it’s just a technicality–that the change from one year to the next is really just a way for us to properly measure time, so we know how old we are and when to plant crops.    And I know that nothing actually changes at the stroke of midnight on December 31, beyond the mechanical change to a new calendar year, but I can’t help but still buy into the magic of it, to paraphrase a dear friend.

I am not who I was a year ago. I have changed; I have evolved, broke myself and built myself back up. I’ve lost some friends and made new ones. I’ve loved and cried and cursed and danced and ate and drank and swallowed up all the life lessons that 2013 served me, bitter and sweet as they were. And I survived it. I am better for it, wiser–a bit more cynical, but still surprisingly hopeful.

I keep trying to come up for my resolutions for this year, but I’m at a bit of a loss. There are things I want to do–improvements I want to make–but I also kind of just want to let this year happen, just want to focus on the intention living fully and happily and smartly. I kind of feel that by doing that, everything else will just fall into place.

So, friends, here’s to the New Year. I hope all our dreams for its possibilities come true.