Category Archives: rant

Choosing Happiness.

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Holy shit. Apparently, summer is over.

And as most of you have noticed (and some of you have nagged me about), the blog has laid rather dormant during the past few months, although I assure you it’s not for lack of trying.

In fact, I just went through and browsed the many drafts that had been started, left unfinished, trying to get an idea for what’s been going on/what my mindset’s been when I write this prodigal son blog after months of silence. And it seems all these drafts seem to center around a common theme, or at least a common emotion: melancholy. Continue reading →

Really, Sallie Mae?

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One of the blessings that has come from our whole apartment-we-were-moving-into-didn’t-have-a-certificate-of-occupancy-and-we-didn’t-find-out-until-we-had-moved-out-of-our-other-apartment-so-now-we’re-living-at-my-parents’-for-the-summer debacle is an increased cash flow, which means D and I can take this time to get our fiances in order and pay off our debt. My first order of business in doing this was paying off the remainder of my student loan, so I can officially say the degree that I earned is mine, and no longer partially owned by Sallie Mae.

I paid off the balance in May and excitedly waited for the “Congratulations–we no longer own your soul!” e-mail, but it never came. I finally logged back into my account to admire the zero balance and found that even though my payment had been processed before the actual due date for the loan, I was still charged interest on the balance. The amount? 2 cents.

I was slightly annoyed by this, slightly amused, and debated how to handle the remaining balance. Should I just go ahead and pay it online? Send them 2 pennies in the mail? Write a 2-cent check and mail it along with a snarky little letter? Or maybe not pay it at all and see what would actually happen… (I imagined one day I’d end up being featured on the yahoo main page for “weird but true” news stories: “Woman’s 2-cent student loan balance accrues to $10,000 after not being paid for 40 years”).

I finally decided to just bite the bullet and pay the pithy amount, and hope my opportunity for 15-minutes of internet fame would come elsewhere (and hopefully not come by way of arrest/public “wardrobe malfunction”).

However, I realized paying this amount would not be as easy as I expected… Continue reading →

I thought I was smart, I thought I was right. I thought it better not to fight. I thought there was a virtue in always being cool.

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Most of you who know me don’t necessarily equate “backing down” or being timid to my attributes, for better or worse. And, for better or worse, I’ve been happy to oblige this assumptions about who I am, about my character. Although being hard-headed and confrontational aren’t always the first two qualities you list in what you hope for in a potential friend, I’ve been proud to be known as someone too loudmouthed to step down from what she believes.

But the past month has been challenging this and making me question myself and whether or not I’m being smart and exhibiting proper self restrain, or if I’m becoming spineless. Continue reading →

Debbie Downers

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As noted a billion times on here ,the past few weeks have been insanely busy for both D and me–between work, stuff for the rescue, trying to get more of my own writing “out there”, socializing, and trying to enjoy the summer, our time has been totally tapped. Sadly, this has affected how much we’ve been able to see my family, especially because it can be tricky to carve out time to travel down there that coincides with my dad’s work schedule and with my mom’s trips to the nursing home with my grandmother to see my grandpop.

So it seemed like today would work out perfectly since my dad got done work early and D got out early enough where we could meet for dinner to catch up. Continue reading →

And we’ll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go

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I’ve been meaning to write (this time I swear), but I’ve been in such a weird place/mental funk, that I’ve been trying to avoid the blog altogether. I know that doesn’t really help me or the blog at all, but fortunately my schedule has been equally insane, so I haven’t had as much time to dwell in my murky mood, at least not on the internets. Continue reading →

just like that.

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After doing not one, but two back-to-back yoga classes after a 2-week hiatus, I was feeling pretty good about myself, about life. An old friend joined me for both classes and we got to catch up a little outside class. I heard some good road tunes on the drive home–my endorphins were high and felt damn good. Nothing could touch me as I made my way to my apartment, to my husband, the shower, the bed.

And then I saw the sign in the elevator. Continue reading →

Pardon me while I have a tantrum…

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It almost seems inevitable that Mondays will induce a “case of the Mondays”–sluggish behavior, frustration, sensitivity to less-than-ideal situations. Most Mondays, I am willing to accept this and am almost more accommodating to the bullshit, because this day of the week is the universal day of “I don’t want to be doing what I’m doing right now.” There is a solidarity to it, a sort of zen. I can usually coast through Mondays with that global reassurance and an extra cup of tea.

But today was just not one of those days. Today I had a massive case of the OMFG-NO-FAIRS, coupled with I SHOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE TODAY. Continue reading →

I’m getting desperate.

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As I watch the clock inch closer to 2 a.m., I am Googling “Meditation and Relaxation music” as I curse myself for not drugging myself with Nyquil earlier.

I’m beginning to realize that sleeplessness is an ongoing issue for me and I’m beginning to wonder if I need to completely change  my system/approach to life. I cannot keep running on empty and physically and emotionally crashing. By Friday last week I was sick and slept for the  majority of the weekend, canceling plans and dragging my arse for 3 days. I ended up calling out of work yesterday because I just could not properly function.

I’m supposed to be up in 4 hours and on my way to Baltimore for a client meeting. I have to be well dressed, well groomed and brilliant. The likelihood of anything of that diminishes with each minute that falls away from my potential sleep time and moves closer to my alleged awake time.

Does ANYONE out there have useful tips for a person who has major sleep issues and needs a whole life overhaul?!?! I am now understand why it’s so important to implement a regimented sleep/life routine in children. I will happily blame my parents for these deep-rooted issues.

While I lay in bed for more than an hour, trying all the tricks I’ve learned/been recommended throughout the years, I just kept trying to figure out the best ways to erase the last 26 years of bad habits. Reverse psychology did not work (You’re not tired. Just get up….you want to get up…). Neither did quiet meditation (there is always *something* that makes me want to move/break focus). Counting. Listening to music. Listening to nothing. Breathing differently. Holding my breath. Refusing to open my eyes. Forcing myself to keep my eyes open until I want nothing more than to shut them.

Now I’m listening to weird techno remixes of songs that have nothing to do with relaxation or meditation. Unless I was trapped in a Mortal Kombat video game. (I actually think this might be the Mortal Kombat song. WTF?!)

Why didn’t I take the Nyquil??

a fine line.

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So, there’s this gas station that I go to nearby work–prices are fairly reasonable and it’s the least out-of-the-way place outside of Camden (there’s one station in Camden; they don’t display their prices on a large sign like every other place I’ve ever been so you don’t realize they’re 10 cents higher than the local/national average until it’s too late). Another plus is that the service is good and the men who work there are all very nice. Continue reading →