Falling off the wagon…

Well, I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon again, but I’m trying doggedly to get back on it before months and months pass by. Life has kind of thrown a couple bitch slaps my way and instead of typing through it or at least posting some silly memes or YouTube clips as fodder, I’ve kind of retreated from writing at all, which isn’t really the best approach and one I need to work on.

A co-worker passed away unexpectedly a couple weeks ago and it sent our office, and me, reeling. I wasn’t as close to him as others were, but his presence at our office was significant and his absence now is even more significant.

Going through the grieving process in the work setting is weird. The whole grieving thing and dealing with death thing is already so surreal and strange anyway, but then you’re doing it with people who you generally talk to about coffee quality or printing paper or the latest episode of whatever, and it becomes even more pronounced–usually the office remains the untouched entity unaffected no matter what personal triumph or tragedy you experience in your life: it continues to run and pulse with deadlines and meetings and client issues no matter the pain and heartache at hand. But this time, the pain and heartache is being felt by the 40+ people that I interact with for 8+ hours a day. It’s the silent current running through the office.

Two Mondays ago, everything completely came to a halt and we walked around zombie-like and dazed, comforting each other and drinking, remembering our co-worker and trying to forget how much can change in an instant. The first day mainly consisted of drinking and talking and listening to music and eating and sharing things we otherwise would have never shared with each other. Tuesday was sort of business as usually as we all tried to catch up from Monday and not think about Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday was the viewing and Thursday was the funeral. I already don’t even remember Friday.

This past week was mainly focused on Thanksgiving and prep for the holiday, which helped to shift the focus from the previous week’s tragedy, but also kind of set a bittersweet tone for the upcoming celebration. We hdd 16 people in total for our meal, including out-of-town guests, so there was much to be done and focus on and the holiday kind of came and went in a blur of cooking, cleaning, prepping, entertaining, eating, cleaning, prepping, and eating some more. It was good to have some downtime from the regular routine, but I also felt it hard to really relax this time around–not only was there much to be done at all times, but it was hard to shake the melancholy that comes from realizing how much is constantly changing in our family and, as the week before reminded me, how quickly things can change…

That being said, I’m still excited for the holidays and I refuse to let go of my optimism for the season’s healing potential. I have been craving Christmas for the past several months and have been banking on the hopefulness of this time of year to help me refocus my perspective a little more, to help me again appreciate the wonderful things I have in my life, and to give me the momentum I need to really come out swinging in 2013.

I’m looking forward to getting back on track with my blog. I have a few exciting posts coming up with some cool cruelty-free gift ideas for the holiday season, along with some more updates on what’s going on with me. If there’s something else you’d like to hear about, feel free to drop me a line at sara@iamnotajedi.com.

Hope everyone out there had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

2 thoughts on “Falling off the wagon…

  1. Pingback: Do You Hear What I Hear? Christmas Song Countdown | I Am Not a Jedi

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