I’m getting desperate.

As I watch the clock inch closer to 2 a.m., I am Googling “Meditation and Relaxation music” as I curse myself for not drugging myself with Nyquil earlier.

I’m beginning to realize that sleeplessness is an ongoing issue for me and I’m beginning to wonder if I need to completely change ┬ámy system/approach to life. I cannot keep running on empty and physically and emotionally crashing. By Friday last week I was sick and slept for the ┬ámajority of the weekend, canceling plans and dragging my arse for 3 days. I ended up calling out of work yesterday because I just could not properly function.

I’m supposed to be up in 4 hours and on my way to Baltimore for a client meeting. I have to be well dressed, well groomed and brilliant. The likelihood of anything of that diminishes with each minute that falls away from my potential sleep time and moves closer to my alleged awake time.

Does ANYONE out there have useful tips for a person who has major sleep issues and needs a whole life overhaul?!?! I am now understand why it’s so important to implement a regimented sleep/life routine in children. I will happily blame my parents for these deep-rooted issues.

While I lay in bed for more than an hour, trying all the tricks I’ve learned/been recommended throughout the years, I just kept trying to figure out the best ways to erase the last 26 years of bad habits. Reverse psychology did not work (You’re not tired. Just get up….you want to get up…). Neither did quiet meditation (there is always *something* that makes me want to move/break focus). Counting. Listening to music. Listening to nothing. Breathing differently. Holding my breath. Refusing to open my eyes. Forcing myself to keep my eyes open until I want nothing more than to shut them.

Now I’m listening to weird techno remixes of songs that have nothing to do with relaxation or meditation. Unless I was trapped in a Mortal Kombat video game. (I actually think this might be the Mortal Kombat song. WTF?!)

Why didn’t I take the Nyquil??

3 thoughts on “I’m getting desperate.

  1. Consider a daily/nightly yoga practice. Even if you don’t focus one iota on the willy-nilly meditative stuff, it may help. Doing yoga asana and breathwork affects the parasympathetic nervous sytem (which triggers all the relaxation stuff; lowers heart rate and BP, etc).
    There’s real, physiologic stuff going on here, man!

    I *highly* recommend reading Yoga Journal (magazine). There’re always fantastic article and recipes, even if you choose to never practice yoga a day in your life.

  2. This is sort of a second of Karen’s rec. I used to have a lot more trouble getting to sleep at a decent hour, though maybe not as much as you. But once I started walking to and from work every day and swimming or doing yoga once a week, it got a lot easier to go to bed on a sort of normal schedule. Now I can barely stay up past midnight without feeling like ass for the next 3 days because my body is so used to sleeping a certain way.

    Anyway, I know walking to and from work isn’t really an option for you, and the gym can be boring. I love swimming, and it’s pretty relaxing as well as being good for exercise, so that’s good if you have a pool nearby. But I joined a yoga class because I knew if I paid in advance for a class that was regular, I’d be less likely to skip it because A, I’m cheap, and B, people kind of expect to see you there, especially the instructor.

    Some weeks I really don’t feel like going, but unless I’m actually feeling too sick to stand, I always make myself go, and it usually makes me feel better if I don’t feel up to it to begin with. It’s definitely hard work and I’ll never be as good at it as a lot of people, but I have a good instructor who works with you according to what you can do, not what anyone thinks you SHOULD be able to do. And I do feel better than I did last year at this time, which is right before I started.

    Anyway, my point is, just find something you can do every day to tire yourself out a bit, and it might help you start to build a routine.

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