Change is a funny thing–I’ve been flip-flopping between extreme giddiness/excitement/elation and utter fear and terror the past couple of weeks, all reactions I find hilarious and frightening at the same time.
The other night I was talking to my friend about all these changes, all these feelings, and she made a brilliant point: “Enjoy them now, because you’ll soon hit about a 15-year stretch where all the moving and job changing and surprises stop happening and you’ll be wondering what happened to living during that lull.”
So, I’ve decided to just roll with all the uncertainty and just enjoy it. To be honest, this has been a philosophy I’ve adapted for the past few months, and it’s been suiting me well. I recently realized (after being asked in an interview…) that I no longer have “life goals” (actually, Kate, I blame/credit you for my blunt answer: “I think bucket lists are stupid,” haha); however, I don’t see that being a bad thing. In fact, letting go of my 5-, 10-, 15-year plan was probably the best thing I ever decided to do. No more expectations, no more disappointments, no more trying to steer the course of the unexpected (because, frankly, the unexpected has been OK for me so far…).
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Or maybe I’m getting to the point where I can explain what’s been going on the past month or so…
One Friday night in early October, I couldn’t sleep. D had crashed early and I kept negotiating with myself to watch “just one more episode” of Intervention before I’d finally crash, but sleep still was not coming. I decided to watch some old movies I hadn’t seen in awhile (A League of Their Own and Grumpier Old Men) and aimlessly surf the interwebs. I happened to check my “adult” email account (you know, first name/last email@example.com– so you don’t look like a crazypants when you need to send an email to someone who isn’t your best friend and might not understand why you have “mania” in your email address) and noticed a “friend request” from my cousin on LinkedIn. I signed in to my account to accept the request and also noticed I had received an email. The email was from someone from a company looking to hire for an editing position. She outlined the job, gave me the company’s web address and told me to be in touch if I was interested.
At that point it was about 5 a.m., and as I sat there and read the company’s “About Us” section, I began to tingle with excitement. Seriously, I almost went and woke up Donnie to tell him that I either just had the most amazing stroke of luck or someone was hardcore fucking with me. The “Why We’re Awesome” (it doesn’t actually say that, but it felt like it did) section of their website sounded like it was written just for me (I later told the HR lady they deserved serious kudos for their persuasive writing on that).
I honestly hadn’t really been actively seeking new employment. This isn’t to say I hadn’t casually looked at what was around–my intention was to stay with my company for at least another couple of years–but I’ve always kept an eye out “just in case.” So this whole thing was completely unexpected. There was no question that this sounded like a potentially good fit, but I was also scared because this was not in “the plan.” It didn’t take too long to say, screw “the plan,” let’s just see where this goes…
And where it went was through a significant interview process with many editing tests and even more interviews. Surprisingly though, the experience was pleasant. I enjoyed the many people I talked to and really loved the HR lady who I had the most interaction with. Bonus? They gave me snacks when I went up there to meet with them. Snacks! Cookies! Candy! Good thing they weren’t trying to lure me into a car…
With each step within the process, my confidence rose and fell–when I was sure I blew it, I’d get a call back or an encouraging email. When I thought I nailed it, I had to do another editing test. But surprisingly, I was pretty cool about riding it out. Now, I’m not gonna pretend I was all Mother Theresa and didn’t hit a few omgPLEASEJUSTLETMEKNOWWHAT’SUPomgNOW moments, but I also felt that, with all the other things going on in my life, the timing was working itself out pretty well.
So when the offer finally came, I was excited and relieved and under- and overwhelmed all at the same time. It’s funny how when you finally get the news you’ve been waiting forever for, it suddenly doesn’t seem all that exciting–maybe it’s the shock of it actually happening? And then the reality of the situation begins: OK, what does this mean for my future? How will this change my right now? What time will I have to get up???
It didn’t take long to accept the position–the job comes with a healthy salary increase, a 401k match (which I don’t currently have), PTO vs. having to divvy time between sick/personal/vaca (a pain for those who know that system), and an annual bonus for employees that usually hits around the 10% mark. Also, I will have the option of using public transportation, which will cut down on gas/car costs.
And now, with my start date nearly here (my first day is on Wednesday), I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s hard to believe that I’m actually starting this job, that I actually will be getting up early and taking the train all by myself to work. I know that sounds silly, but considering that I have no time in between jobs (my last day at my current office is Tuesday!), it’s hard to fully get into the “new job” mindframe.
I’m also finally getting excited. They’re having a company-wide lunch (the company is only about 40 people) to welcome me and another new employee who started and the HR woman sent me the invite for the Christmas party, which will be held at the Lambertville Inn. They’re also paying for us (and our plus one) to spend the night there so everyone can enjoy the night and not worry about driving after an open bar affair. I also learned that the dress code is casual, which means I CAN WEAR JEANS!!! It’s a little pathetic how exciting that is for me, but I am thankful that I won’t have to try to find dress pants that don’t look horrendous.
I’m definitely grateful that I’ve been able to be off the past few days to get some things taken care of and begin to prep for this week. Although I’m still not 100% where I want to be before this job starts, I’m MUCH closer to there than I was last week. So, be prepared for me to be MIA after Dec. 1st. I’m trying to blog as much as possible now in anticipation!