‘Twas the Night Before Election…

‘Twas the night before election
And all through Facebook
friends were ranting and shouting,
“He’s a sexist!” “She’s a crook!”
The statuses were posted by acquaintances without care
In hopes that soon likes, loves, and “wows” soon would be there.
Their children were nestled all snug in their beds,
(The change from daylight savings had messed up their heads)
And mom on her iPad and me on my phone
Scrolled through more posts about emails, border walls, and drones
When over on Twitter there arose so much chatter
I switched my Chrome tabs to see what was the matter
Away to the ad window my mouse flew like a flash,
My emotion like the ¯\_(ツ)_/ guy (plus the last dash)
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an ad for a land with free healthcare and reindeer
Called my trusty Uber driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I needed to split.
More rapid than eagles, his black car it came,
He texted, I packed up, and threw shade by name:
“No NPR! No CNN! No Fox News or CSPAN,
“Eff, Jeb Bush! Eff, Bernie! Eff O’Rellly and Dunham!”
“To the top of the newsfeeds! To the top of Trump’s wall!”
“I’m moving to Canada–To Hell with you all!”
(Pre-election puns and musings in Collaboration with Colin Ingersoll.)